3 Reasons Why I Wish I Could Still Diet
Okay, I know how this sounds. Truly.
"Wishing you could diet?! Kenzie! How can you say something so blasphemous?!" And trust me, when I sat down to write something, this was the last thing I thought I was going to write. But when that thought comes in your head, you just have to run with it and see where it goes.
So I followed the thought...
"Wish I could keep dieting? But why brain? Why would you said something to me like that?"
And then I asked myself, "what are all of the good things that dieting gave you?"
Social validation I mean, I know this is a no brainer. But let's really unpack this. When I was dieting, everyone noticed me all the time. Everyone complimented me. Everyone told me what a hard worker I was and how it inspired them to do better. Everyone told me I looked awesome all. the. damn. time. That really made my brain addicted to dieting. Even though I was missing food and missing time with my friends, the dopamine hits I was receiving from all this validation made me crave it. Dieting made me socially acceptable. Something we all long for. And there are still days where I want that all day! Instead of needing to justify my body, my choices and my life, I want it easy. I want that praise. But the more thoughtful version of myself knows that it's not right and it's not the thing that will truly not help my heart out. I have to validate me first.
Semblance of control Now, we all know that dieting doesn't actually give you control. It gives you the illusion of it but not real control because you're still relying on an external thing to tell you what to do! The diet is in control of you not the other way around. But I miss that feeling of control. I miss being able to think that I had control in that way. For all of those binge eaters, emotional eaters and overeaters out there, I know this sounds so scary. "Omg, is she going to tell us that we don't have ANY control with what we eat ever?! Ahhhhh!!" Not what I'm saying at all! I'm just saying it's a little more *complicated* than a simple diet. We are constantly being influenced by stuff. Our neurochemicals, our environment, our family, our friends, our peers, our trauma, etc. And of course at times this is going to affect the way we make decisions. But dieting gives this illusion that it can solve all that if you only stick to it! If you stick to it, you'll have no problems ever! Just like all the happy women in those commercials seem to be selling. I miss believing in that idea. I miss it hard.
The results When you diet and YOU HIT THOSE RESULTS. Great feelings there, folks. Great feelings... except that they are immediately followed by "now I have to lose another 5 pounds!" That feeling is great but so short lasting, was it even truly worth it? I don't think so.
I don't actually want to diet.
I just want what dieting allows us. The social validation. A high amount of compliments. High fives from everyone you know. Feeling in control.
Feeling dedicated Feeling like you GOT THIS (even though, we totally don't and we're just so damn hungry.)
My life now allows me: To eat when I'm hungry (YUM.)
No judgment (What a freakin' load off my back.)
A community of unusually amazing and kind hearted humans who have my back no matter what my body looks like
To spend more mental energy doing things I love
To be able to exercise exactly the way that feels amazing to me, not so I *look* a certain way but so I *feel* a certain way
I can have people make me food and not worry about the numbers in the food. (Or not act on that worry.)
Overall, my life is better without dieting. Does that mean I don't miss the stuff that it came with? Sure, but I'm happy with who I am and where I'm at. I never want to go down that road ever again.
Let me know if you've ever felt this way too!